Thursday, February 22, 2018

Moving on

It's official.  After 16.5 years at my job, I have moved on to another position. Same basic job but with another agent at a local company.  It's a little odd at this point in my life, when many people are beginning to retire, to be taking a full time job, but as many of my friends and family will attest, it was past time that I made this change. Still, there was a part of me that was feeling a little odd, a little off kilter, a little lost.

I have been working in the real estate industry for 26 years and I must love it to still be here. Clearly I do the job well or again, I wouldn't still be here. But I have to admit that over the past 4 or 5 years, I have liked it less and less. Yet I still continued with my job. Whining as little as I could (sometimes with limited success) I swallowed a lot of irritation and more than a little of my pride, because the job still offered me more advantages than disadvantages. The military has a saying, Embrace the Suck. No, I am not comparing my job to that of being in the military by any stretch of the imagination, but I fully appreciate the feeling behind it because sometimes you just have to suck it up. It was good money and good hours and best of all, I got to work from home. But eventually even the best of jobs can grow to be less than fulfilling and you reach a point where you have to admit that things will not get better. In fact they may get worse. Sometimes you have to face the fact that you can no longer suck it up and carry on.

16 years is a long time to work at one job for one boss. Along with the knowledge that I needed to move on, there was a bit of reluctance to let go, a little nostalgia for the years I put in, and more than a little anger that I had to leave. This was where I worked from my 40s thru to my 60s. My son was a teenager when I started, my daughter in her early 20s. This was the job that I was going to have until I retired, the one that would see me set up financially for my twilight years (don't you just love the imagery of twilight years?). This was the job I mastered and could practically do in my sleep. That it somehow all went to hell in a handbasket is still something I struggle to come to grips with. Along with the reluctance to move on was an odd fear that I would not fit in at a new place. Maybe I should stay and embrace some more of the suck.

But all that is in the past now.  I just finished my 4th week as a full time assistant in a brick and mortar office, with a terrific agent, some great old friends, and some terrific new ones. I realized the very first week just how lazy complacent I had become. Since I didn't have to work until 1pm, there was plenty of time to do other things in the morning. Not especially productive things, but still. I could sleep in until late morning or sit around in my pajamas until noon if I wanted.  I could work in my sweats with no makeup and without showering. The fact that I never wanted to do any of those things is completely beside the point. It was still a tantalizing possibility. Now, I have joined the get to bed by 10pm because I have to be at work by 8:30 crowd. The pack a healthy lunch crowd. The run errands on the weekend crowd. The it's 3pm where is the chocolate crowd. The oh my gosh I forgot to do laundry and have nothing to wear crowd.

Truth be told, I love it! It's a good fit, this job I have. No, it's not perfect but I love just about every inch of it. Maybe I should have made a move years ago, but for whatever reasons I was not ready. It seems serendipitous that now, when I was ready for a change, the change was also ready for me.

So, the takeaway? Trust yourself, trust your skills, your knowledge, your abilities. And if you are so inclined, reach out and embrace new things. They might just embrace you back.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Casual vs overdressed

I was visiting my daughter in Austin recently, and while getting ready to meet some of her friends at a birthday party in her honor, she casually mentioned to me that I really didn't have to change for the party as I was a little overdressed as it was. In fact, she said, I am almost always "dressed up". Hmmm. Could it be that after years of wearing pretty much nothing but jeans and graphic tees, I have now swung the other way?  It's a dilemma a lot of us who work from home have to deal with, how to balance extremely casual I-cannot-possibly-wear-this-out-in-public attire with more acceptable, clean, it's-actually-my-size clothing. I definitely don't need a work wardrobe, so no skirts, pantyhose or suits. I also don't attend the kind of events that require anything close to formal or even cocktail attire (whatever that is). On the other hand, I do occasionally venture out into the social world, so I need what I call Casual Nice clothing. I never thought I would ever find anything more comfortable than jeans and tees, even when my daughter years ago urged me to invest in something other than grub wear (yes, it's the same daughter...ironic, no?) But I could see her point. That point was driven home one evening a couple of months later when my good friend asked me to go with her to a wine tasting.  She mentioned I probably didn't want to wear jeans (!) which left me scrambling to find the one outfit I owned that could be considered business casual. It occurred to me that I might want to have a few more items in my closet that were a little more upscale than sweats and Levis. I had some caveats, though. Whatever I bought had to fit, be reasonably priced, preferably be black, and above all it had to be very comfortable. Like sit all evening and not have to rearrange or tug or adjust anything comfortable. I wanted pants that looked as good at the end of the evening as they had when I first donned them, with no sagging knees or baggy butt. It's taken me awhile to find a fashion identity that isn't centered around jeans, but now that I have, I admit I really don't wear jeans much any more.  I don't have an extensive wardrobe, but what I have I like and feel good in and, best of all, I don't have to dig thru the hamper to see if that going-out-in-the-world outfit is clean. So, yes, I probably have meandered over to a more dressed up style of clothing. I still work in sweats and tees and am grateful for that. But it's nice to draw a definite line between that extremely casual (if not downright sloppy) at home style and a just-in-case-I-run-into-someone-I-know outfit.

So yes, daughter of mine, I agree, I do sometimes wear much too dressy clothing to WalMart to buy toothpaste and coffee. But I would rather be found in the deli department looking like I was on my way to someplace fun than have people wonder if I have showered that day.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Is perception reality? In this case I hope not

Have you ever noticed that you can often tell the age of an author by the slang that she uses or I should say, misuses?  I was reading a romance book about a rancher in Texas who was supposedly in his mid twenties.  He was expecting a woman at his house for dinner so when he got home off the range he took off his boots and, since he didn't want to greet her in his socks, put on his Romeo slippers. Romeo slippers?  I immediately thought of him slipping into this romantic, seductive personality. Kind of like 'leave my ranching self at the door and put on my Romeo slippers, baby, and I'm in the mood'.  Not so. Thru the wonder that reading a book on Kindle is, I was able to immediately google Romeo slippers only to find that they are just normal everyday slippers. Sigh. So, wait, in what weird universe does a guy in his twenties have a special name for his slippers? And not just a guy, I remind you, but a rancher in Texas! I've known lots of guys in their twenties, both now and back when, and I can state with some assurance that not one of them would have the slightest clue about what Romeo slippers are. Chances are pretty good they don't even own a pair of slippers, Romeo or otherwise. Nor would they care in the least about welcoming a woman into their home in their socks. Unless of course there were holes in the socks, but probably not even then.

This got me thinking about not only how misused slang can show an author's age, but how characterizing older women in certain ways can do the same thing. I read a lot of books, many of them romances, because as the great Nora Roberts once opined, romance books are the only ones where you can be assured the woman will be the focus of the story and not just a convenient accessory. In many of those books (not all, but many), anyone over the age of 50 who is single is seen as past the age where she can expect a romance of her own. If she isn't a widow still mired in 30 year old grief, she is a divorcee, or perhaps a spinster (yes, some authors still use that word) who wears a bedazzled velour sweatsuit and sports blue hair (due to an "hilarious" mishap with a home dye job). Most of my friends are over 60 and I doubt any of them own a velour sweatsuit, bedazzled or otherwise, and not a single one of them has blue hair. I was reading a book last night and came to the laugh out loud phrase describing an older friend of the heroine as "over 40 but still attractive" like there was an expiry date on her looks that she was rapidly approaching. Mind you these are books written by women for women.

I'm wondering if characterizing older women as clearly past their prime at 50 is a matter of the author not knowing anyone that age, or knowing a lot of them that age that clearly fit that profile, or if they are merely playing to their readership, establishing a kinship by creating an exclusive club that they are members of but that older women are not. Perhaps it is simple a case of authors in their 20s thinking as I did in my youth that women in their 50s and beyond have zero left to contribute and less than zero desire to do so. If so, then I would suppose that as the authors age, so will their consideration of a woman's possible expiry date.  Until one day, when they get to their 60s and pick up a book where the woman their age is knitting in a corner, blue hair and all, while the young heroine gets to have all the fun. I can just imagine them reading that and saying WHAT?